Sally Gabriel, Ph.D., is a compassionate End of Life Doula and Grief Educator dedicated to supporting individuals and their loved ones through the profound experiences of aging, illness, dying, death, and grief. Serving Sarasota and Manatee Counties, Florida, and offering remote support nationwide, Sally provides a safe and caring space to plan for and navigate end-of-life journeys with dignity, understanding, and individualized care. MysticMag offers an exclusive interview.
Sally, could you elaborate on how your comprehensive approach to emotional, spiritual, physical, and logistical support is implemented in practice and its impact on clients’ experiences?
When someone receives a life-limiting or terminal diagnosis, their world is irrevocably changed. The experience can be profoundly overwhelming for both the individual and their loved ones. This is where end-of-life doulas, or death doulas, offer invaluable support by providing guidance and organization to answer the pressing question, “What should I do now?” We assist with practical tasks, such as creating or updating advance care directives, developing vigil plans, ensuring important documents and passwords are accessible, and addressing other logistical considerations.
Equally essential is the emotional and spiritual support we provide. Patients and families often face fear and uncertainty, and our role is to listen with empathy and care. By understanding their beliefs about life and death, exploring unresolved emotions, and helping them focus on what truly matters in the time they have left, we offer a safe space for reflection and healing. Whether addressing unfinished business, regrets, or the need for forgiveness, we guide them with compassion, helping to manage and express grief. For the person nearing the end of life, this means processing the profound loss of everything they hold dear, while loved ones often navigate the complex emotions of anticipatory grief.
What are the key components of the advance care planning process you provide for clients following a terminal diagnosis, and how do you ensure their wishes are effectively communicated and respected?
Those who plan ahead have better outcomes than those who don’t. Planning is a key component of a death doula’s job. The advance care directive, which includes the appointment of a health care surrogate and a living will, is the most critical part of the planning process.
We help our clients prepare their living will by using a form called the “Five Wishes” (https://www.fivewishes.org). There are lots of other forms, but this is our personal favorite. The purpose of the living will is to inform your surrogate and your health care team the type of health and comfort care you want when you can no longer speak for yourself.
We make sure the client conveys their wishes to their surrogate and other loved ones. We do this by facilitating conversations about death with the patient and loved ones. During active dying and after death, the doula acts as an advocate for the client in carrying out their wishes.
As a certified grief educator, how do you help clients understand their grief and develop healthy coping mechanisms?
Grieving is a deeply personal and individual process, and we emphasize this truth from the beginning: “There is no right way to grieve; there is only your way.” Many people feel pressure to grieve in a certain way, so it’s important to dispel the misconception that there is a “right” way to grieve. Grief must be witnessed and expressed, and we create a safe space for our clients to share memories of their loved one and to fully explore and express their feelings.
Grief is complex and multifaceted, encompassing a wide range of emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, betrayal, depression, and even relief. Our role is to reassure clients that all of these feelings are natural and valid. In this safe space, they can process their emotions, release guilt, and address any deeper wounds that the loss may have surfaced.
We guide clients in understanding that grief must move through them to be fully processed, offering tools and techniques to support this movement. This includes encouraging physical activities to help release grief held within the body.
Finally, we help clients recognize that healing from grief is not about “getting over” their loss but about reaching a place where the loss no longer defines their lives. It’s a process of finding balance, where they can think of their loved one with more love than pain.
How do your public speaking and educational initiatives help normalize conversations about death and dying, and what challenges have you faced in shifting societal perceptions around end-of-life issues?
In America, we live in a culture that is largely death illiterate, avoiding conversations about mortality despite its inevitability. Our public speaking and educational initiatives aim to shift this narrative by fostering death literacy and encouraging proactive preparation for end-of-life. We offer a range of talks, from advance care planning to the role of death doulas, tailored to audiences of all sizes and frequently hosted on social media platforms to allow for anonymity. Additionally, we hold death cafes where people can openly discuss death in a safe, welcoming space. Our upcoming ventures include hosting “death over dinner” and “death over drinks” at local restaurants and cafés to further normalize these conversations.
For many attendees, their first death event is a transformative experience, offering them the freedom to openly discuss a subject they often feel unable to share with friends or family. These open dialogues with strangers can help bridge the gap to having more meaningful conversations with loved ones.
One of the greatest challenges we face is the widespread reluctance to confront mortality, with many clinging to the belief that avoiding the topic somehow prevents it. We work to dispel this magical thinking and shift the cultural mindset, similar to how taboo topics like sex have gradually become part of public discourse.
Encouragingly, the winds of change are blowing. Books, podcasts, and media coverage about death and dying are becoming more common. Topics like death doulas, end-of-life care, and death cafes are gaining traction in public dialogue. Social media platforms are also playing a vital role, with death doulas and hospice nurses using Instagram, Facebook, and more to normalize the universal experience of death. Change is on the horizon, and we are proud to contribute to this vital cultural shift.
Could you share more about your personal journey into this field and how your experiences have shaped your approach to end-of-life care (and personal thoughts?
From an early age, I was drawn to the study of psychology, with a particular focus on aging and gerontology. During graduate school, a class with Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross on death and dying left a profound impression on me, though I initially pursued a different career path. It wasn’t until 2017, when both my divorced parents were dying within months of each other, that I truly experienced the complexities of advanced illness, death, and hospice care. Their deaths, in separate facilities and without clear end-of-life discussions, left me feeling unsupported, uncertain, and wishing for a better way.
A turning point came a few years later when I cared for a close friend during the last four months of her life. Though I wasn’t familiar with the term “death doula” at the time, I naturally stepped into that role. With her wishes planned in advance and hospice care in place, I was able to help create a peaceful and meaningful end-of-life experience for her. This deeply inspired me to help others navigate this important transition.
In 2022 and 2024, I completed end-of-life doula training, informed by my personal experiences. I now work with clients and families to facilitate open conversations about values, wishes, and what truly matters. I provide planning services to ensure everyone understands the dying person’s desires, and I offer a calm, supportive presence at the bedside during active dying. Having experienced the uncertainty of witnessing death without guidance, I make it a priority to educate clients and their loved ones about what to expect, helping them find clarity and peace.
I believe that everyone deserves a compassionate, empathetic guide during this profound stage of life. My work is dedicated to ensuring that no one faces the uncertainty of end-of-life alone.
If you would like to find out more about Sally Gabriel, please visit https://www.epiloguecare.com/
