Sara Perry is a sexological bodyworker at Haven Space Coaching, specializing in somatic sex education and body-based healing. With a deep belief that the body is central to emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being, she uses a range of techniques, including breathwork, touch, movement, and mindfulness, to help individuals deepen their connection with their bodies. Sara focuses particularly on individuals with physical disabilities, chronic pain, and those navigating challenges with their sexuality and body awareness. She is committed to creating a safe, inclusive space for personal exploration and healing. MysticMag offers you an exclusive interview.
Your personal journey through depression led you to explore sensual and sexual healing, culminating in advanced studies and certifications. How has your personal experience shaped your approach to coaching, and in what ways does it influence your interactions with clients?
Because of my own experience with depression and traditional psychology and psychiatry, I’ve developed a much more embodied approach. I realized that much of what I went through stemmed from disconnecting from my body. As a teenager, I was often out of control, sneaking around, and engaging in reckless behavior. But in retrospect, I see that a lot of it was a way to escape the sensations I was feeling—trying to avoid the emotions that deeply affected me. Like having fun and feeling good could help me forget that I was carrying these big emotions. Well, it didn’t work. You can only rationalize your way away from feeling what your body is telling you for so long- even with guidance from psychologists and psychiatrists. This realization led me to a path focused on somatics, and it has been a profoundly different approach.
I’ve found that most of my clients are individuals who have already explored some form of traditional therapy, whether it’s cognitive behavioral therapy, talk therapy, or even psychiatry. However, these methods often only go so far. They can help us distance ourselves from what our bodies are telling us to a certain degree, but they also require us to acknowledge and revisit trauma—often trauma that we might not even remember or identify as such. The work I do bypasses that need for re-traumatizing conversations, which has proven to be healing for many.
My approach is guided by a desire to offer an alternative to what I endured within the medical establishment—something that allows healing in a way that feels more aligned with our bodies and their wisdom.
Your approach emphasizes the integration of mind and body through techniques like touch, breathwork, movement, and mindfulness. Can you elaborate on how these modalities work together to enhance an individual’s connection with their body and overall well-being?
I believe our bodies are constantly sending us messages, but we often learn to ignore them or assume they’re not important. As a result, we end up violating our own boundaries—being overly accommodating, staying in relationships or situations that our bodies are telling us aren’t right, or dismissing discomfort by rationalizing things (like getting on a rollercoaster when we really don’t want to). These microaggressions against ourselves can go unnoticed, but they build up over time.
When we have a conversation that moves beyond just thinking through things in our heads, we start integrating the sensations we’re feeling in our bodies. That integration leads to self-discovery and, importantly, an understanding of our boundaries. Recognizing where our boundaries lie is the first step in communicating them, and honestly, that’s one of the hardest parts. We can talk all we want, we can make excuses or accommodations for situations we are in, but when we can recognize what it feels like in our body, that’s the only time we can fully say “yes” or “no”. We’re able to move forward in life much more confidently. This allows us to unapologetically negotiate our needs with others—and with ourselves—in a much more practical and grounded way.
You mention a focus on individuals with physical disabilities, chronic pain, and other conditions affecting their relationship with their bodies and sexuality. How do you tailor your somatic sex education practices to meet the unique needs of these clients?
I always tell people that I’m not an expert in anything—people are the experts in their own bodies. I’m simply a guide, and I might offer tools they haven’t discovered yet. This work is for everyone because all bodies can feel sensation. Even bodies with different conditions, like quadriplegics, can still feel sensation—they may not feel physical touch, but their brain understands sensation. They can feel things like a tingle or tension. It’s fascinating to work with people who don’t feel sensation the way most of us do because it opens my eyes to all these other messages our bodies are sending that don’t rely on touch. It’s inspiring and magical to realize that sensation doesn’t have to depend on physical touch to be profound. Ironically, many of the people who come to me are often dealing with significant problems, sometimes stemming from major physical trauma like a car accident. But even though I believe this work can be magical for all bodies, it’s really about guiding people to understand what works for them, where their boundaries are, and where their desires lie. From there, we explore what happens when we allow curiosity to lead us on that journey.
But it’s also a gradual process. At first, we start slow because many people aren’t used to paying attention to their bodies. Imagine suddenly being told, “You have access to all this information,” but your mind gets distracted, overwhelmed, and it can feel uncomfortable. That’s why we spend the first few sessions setting a strong foundation, learning how to negotiate boundaries, and developing the language to communicate effectively.
Somatic embodiment is a lifelong practice—it’s not something you “master.” Not if you are a person with mobility issues and not if you are fully able-bodied. But by the third or fourth session, you’ll start to notice new sensations in your body. It happens quickly, and from there, it builds. When you start paying attention, your brain begins carving out new neural pathways. Over time, it becomes easier to tap into what you’re feeling. What once felt like an effort becomes more natural, like creating the Grand Canyon in your brain—a path that becomes easier to access.
Somatic sex education is described as beneficial for those who have experienced trauma, shame, or challenges impacting their relationship with their body or sexuality. Could you discuss the specific techniques you employ to help clients overcome these barriers and develop a healthier self-relationship?
This touches on the distinction between somatics and traditional therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy or talk therapy, where the emphasis is on disclosing and recounting the trauma in detail, sometimes repeatedly. The expectation is to explain and describe painful memories, especially when they involve traumatic events. However, the kind of work I do with somatics is different—it’s not about recounting a story. In fact, memory is limited; we know that the hippocampus, which processes memory, often shuts down during trauma. So how do you ask someone with repressed memories, “Tell me about the time you were violently assaulted?” It’s simply not possible. There are therapies that attempt to bring out those memories, but it raises the question—why are we doing that? The brain is incredibly smart and has said, “No thanks, we don’t need to register this.”
The techniques I use are surprisingly simple, and sometimes I find myself apologizing to clients for how basic they may seem. For example, we might do exercises involving physical movement. One exercise I find effective for people who struggle with touch and intimacy is having them stand far from me, and then one of us slowly walks towards the other. We do this either with me approaching them, or them approaching me. They are encouraged to control the proximity, saying “stop”, “keep going”, etc. We go slow or fast, whatever they feel like. As we get close to each other, I refer back, “What do you feel in your body right now?” It’s a process of paying attention to the sensations that arise—whether they back up, lean forward, cross their arms—because our bodies are constantly telling us when something doesn’t feel right. It’s about decoding those signals, which are already there, and then teaching people to recognize them. For instance, if your body starts leaning away or crossing arms, that’s a clear sign that you’re not comfortable. People may think they are doing it on purpose, but it’s actually by design.
We often break things down by exploring whether certain physical sensations bring up memories—like a feeling of discomfort that could remind someone of an old experience, such as sitting on a grandparent’s lap when they didn’t want to. These are microaggressions we experience repeatedly, where we’re not honoring our authentic feelings. Important to note: we have always been taught to ignore these messages, especially as kids (finish your food, don’t sit like that, hug your cousin good-bye). But once we recognize these patterns, we gain the power to heal and assert ourselves. In the future, it becomes much easier to quickly identify when we’re faced with something we don’t want to experience- and to feel totally safe saying so.
Another simple exercise involves choosing where to sit. When clients come to my office, I encourage them to pick a chair—there are several options, and even a sign that says, “Moving furniture is encouraged.” We explore what it feels like to sit in different positions and how that affects our body language and comfort. Sometimes clients choose to sit on the floor, and we discuss how the environment impacts how we show up for ourselves and for others. These exercises may seem simple or even safe, but they provide incredible insights and healing power. There is breakthrough in the simple tasks. They are approachable and not overwhelming, while helping our minds tune in.
Over time, these exercises can have a profound impact. For example, I have one client who is typically very closed off and serious. We discovered that when he sits slightly to the left of others, he becomes much more talkative. Now, when he goes to dinner with his family, he chooses to sit in a particular spot because it makes him feel safer and more open to conversation. Similarly, think about how children tend to talk more freely in the car, facing away from you, with their attention on something else. They feel safe enough to share their thoughts without being confronted. It’s all about positioning—whether in therapy or in daily life—how we physically position ourselves can significantly impact how we show up and how open we are.
So even small shifts in where we sit or how we move can open up a wealth of information and lead to powerful healing.
In your practice, you offer both private and group coaching sessions. What are the advantages of each format, and how do you determine which setting is most appropriate for a client’s journey?
I don’t typically determine the best setting for a client’s journey; I prefer to let them find that for themselves. Personally, I really enjoy one-on-one sessions because it allows me to tune in more deeply, especially when I’m setting the stage for communication in our first session. This kind of foundational work is challenging to achieve in a group setting, as people’s understanding clicks at different times. I find that silence and the passage of time are powerful tools in this work, allowing individuals to process and feel sensations in their own time. By this, I mean literally just shutting up and allowing there to be silence. We are all familiar with the reality of an “uncomfortable silence”. There’s a reason it’s uncomfortable. You can sit with it, and it is an incredible tool and skill to learn.
When working with a group, this process becomes harder to communicate effectively, as people may be on different timelines. For example, a client shares a complaint and I answer “I am so sorry you are dealing with that” and I stay silent for them to feel into that sorrow. A partner may chime in because that silence feels sad or tense. But that is an important moment. I have to correct and say “actually, let’s sit with that again: I am so sorry you are dealing with that”. That’s why I often prefer to keep the initial brainwork separate and focus on movement exercises together. These exercises can be practiced with or without me, and I encourage clients to go home and continue practicing them. But, as I always remind them, it’s a practice — you can show up, listen, and leave without doing the work, but unless you practice the skill of listening to your body and sensing your boundaries, you won’t improve.
I don’t impose a specific framework for someone’s practice or healing process. I offer suggestions and observations — for example, I might notice that someone is choosing a certain chair or their posture has shifted — and sometimes that’s all it takes for someone to realize something about themselves. In general, I encourage clients to decide what their journey will look like.
This work is much simpler than people often realize. All it takes is the desire to show up and do the work. If you don’t have the desire, then don’t show up. Trust your body; if it says it’s not the right time, there’s likely a reason. Sensation work often comes with discomfort, and learning to say “no” — whether it’s canceling an appointment or turning down an offer — is a part of the process. It’s not the same as going to the gym, where you do the exercise and leave; this is more nuanced, and it requires patience. Our society tends to train and praise us for big efforts, but real healing takes more than just showing up. Really healing is slow, and soft, and nuanced.
If you would like to find out more about Sara Perry, please visit https://www.havenspacecoaching.com/
