Ira Zezir, formerly known as Christi Anne Bela, is a Neurodivergent, Polyamorous individual who recently came out as Gender Queer, preferring they/them pronouns. Since 2008, Ira has served as a Tantra Teacher, Public Speaker, Modern Witch Doctor, and Boundaries Expert. With a deep understanding of the detrimental impact of shame on both society and relationships, Ira is dedicated to offering trauma-aware support and eliminating shame in our spiritual and sexual lives. They advocate that overcoming shame grants us permission to embrace vulnerability and authenticity. Through a living practice with multiple partners, Ira brings awareness to attachment styles, effective communication, heart-centered expression, and active listening. From a young age, Ira explored fluid relationships with gender, sexuality, kink, and pleasure, considering Tantra and BDSM as essential forms of physical therapy. Their love for sacred rituals, rooted in the essence of Tantra, reflects a commitment to honoring the sacredness of all things. Having delved into a wide array of practices, from Wheel of Consent and Yoga to BDSM and Astrology, Ira’s mission is to empower individuals and partners on their journey of sexual exploration and personal growth. MysticMag has the pleasure of chatting with Ia Zezir.
Can you share more about your personal journey and the evolution of your identity, from being born Christi Anne Bela to embracing the name Ira Zezir, and coming out as Gender Queer?
It’s quite intriguing for me to unpack and untangle the layers of what truly defines me versus what I’ve been taught should define me. Growing up, there was this societal notion of becoming a woman with predefined roles and expectations. It felt like a checklist with specific job requirements, and success or failure depended on adhering to those prescribed behaviors. Transitioning into presenting myself as Ira Zezir, embracing a non-binary, genderqueer, gender non-conforming identity, led me to question which aspects truly resonated with me. Exploring personal preferences, like enjoying the feel of silky clothes or the joy of dressing up, uncovered what genuinely brings me happiness. Reflecting on childhood conditioning, I realized the clear divide between genders imposed on me from a young age. Now, finding joy in the spaces in between and appreciating the spectrum of identities, I embrace the contrast and diversity that life offers. It’s been a journey of self-discovery, from playful expressions to moments of deep introspection, and it has given me the freedom to redefine how I move through this world. Embracing a non-binary perspective, I’ve found joy in dismantling societal constructs and welcoming the beauty of our complex and ever-evolving understanding of gender and identity.
As a Tantra Teacher, Public Speaker, Modern Witch Doctor, and Boundaries Expert, how do you integrate these diverse roles to support individuals in their spiritual and sexual lives?
It’s been a wonderful journey for me, transitioning from a background in the corporate world, where boundaries were often about creating rules and organizational structures. Working in film and television production, I naturally found myself playing the peacemaker, navigating emotional and creative spaces to create win-win situations. Stepping into the role of a witch doctor, which has always been a part of me but was repressed, allowed me to embrace intuitive, psychic abilities, such as clairaudience and clairvoyance. Recognizing the overlaps in my experiences—whether teaching yoga, serving as a chaplain, or exploring energy work—I’ve come to understand the multidimensional nature of our being. We are physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and sexual beings, and my work integrates various tools to address each aspect. Unlike fitting into a conventional role, my approach combines counseling, coaching, intimacy work, and more, recognizing that true healing involves an integration of various influences. The witch doctor energy taps into a source of wisdom, acknowledging the interconnectedness of all aspects of our lives and guiding individuals through a transformative process of sitting with, nurturing, and allowing growth in each area.
Your mission involves providing trauma-aware support and eradicating shame in spiritual and sexual experiences. How do you address the negative impact of shame, and what tools or approaches do you use in your practice?
One of the most powerful ways to address shame is by expressing it openly to someone and having that experience witnessed with love, acceptance, and the acknowledgment that every individual inherently belongs. Moving this energy out of the body is a crucial step, and I find chanting, especially in languages like Sanskrit and Hebrew, to be highly effective. Using different languages engages various parts of the brain, allowing individuals to express themselves and release patterns without getting stuck in the narrative of victimhood.
I’ve witnessed remarkable impact in guiding individuals through transformative experiences, such as incorporating BDSM practices for those struggling with self-harm. By embracing and moving through pain, individuals can emerge on the other side feeling empowered and in control. Ultimately, eradicating shame is a profound service to humanity, offering a space of genuine understanding that our worthiness of existence is indisputable, and every aspect of ourselves belongs. Recognizing shame as an illusion of separation, the goal is to come back to our complete selves and see each other without judgment.
With a background in Tantra, BDSM, and various holistic practices, how do these elements contribute to your approach to therapy and counseling, particularly in breaking free from self-sabotaging habits and trauma?
Exploring BDSM, which stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism, has been a profound journey for me. It delves into power dynamics, where the giver of dominant energy orchestrates a scenario for the receiver, who may be in a more submissive state. A crucial aspect is understanding that, paradoxically, the submissive individual holds the power. BDSM goes beyond sexual connotations; it’s a tool to deliberately create and navigate power structures.
Often misunderstood and undervalued, BDSM can be a transformative experience, addressing societal power dynamics and allowing individuals to reclaim their narrative. I’ve witnessed powerful breakthroughs, such as someone flogging away negative labels and affirming their beauty and strength. For others navigating shame around queerness, BDSM has provided a space for profound breakthroughs. In the realm of Tantra, everything is interconnected, and nothing is taboo. Tantra acknowledges the integration of all experiences, emphasizing that attempts to isolate or reject parts of ourselves lead to pain. BDSM, like Tantra, becomes a path for embracing all aspects of sensory experience, unlocking dormant extrasensory abilities. By tapping into their potency, individuals discover the profound change that occurs when they embrace their authentic selves with love and permission.
In your work with Intimacy Architecture, what are the key areas you focus on, and how do you help individuals navigate religious trauma, improve boundaries, and enhance intimacy in relationships?
At its core, intimacy architecture encompasses the holistic integration of our physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and sexual dimensions. When addressing religious trauma, it’s vital to recognize that divinity resides within us, and the external power dynamics imposed by certain religious structures are often rooted in human constructs. Untangling religious trauma involves reclaiming one’s sense of divinity, acknowledging personal power, and dismantling the narratives of martyrdom and victimhood perpetuated by certain religious ideologies.
The essence of intimacy architecture lies in understanding that we are the generators, organizers, and deliverers of power, akin to the acronym GOD (Generating, Organizing, Delivering). Many religious doctrines instill the belief that power is external and contingent on specific behaviors, fostering a sense of isolation and the notion that one must earn their worthiness. Disrupting this narrative involves recognizing the fallacy that humans created God in their image, projecting oppressive structures onto divinity.
Intimacy architecture guides individuals to design and build from a place of recognizing their inherent potency, where their pleasure matters, and they have permission to be their authentic selves. It serves as a framework to dispel shame, which thrives on isolation, by acknowledging that everyone possesses unique, wild, and wonderful aspects. Embracing one’s “freak flag” and unveiling the richness of personal uniqueness fosters a sense of community, revealing a colorful tapestry of shared experiences and greatness. In essence, intimacy architecture invites individuals to show up authentically, fostering a vibrant community where the diversity of human expression is celebrated.
If you would like to find out more about Ira Zezir, please visit https://www.intimacyarchitect.com/
