Bella LaVey “is a certified Human Potential Coach. Her specialty is helping people become bad asses in the bedroom so they can experience the extraordinary pleasure that is their birthright.”
How does a Holistic Sex Coach work?
When we use the term ‘holistic’ we are coming from an organic, naturally inclined view of life which takes the ‘whole’ system into account. This applies to sexuality in the same way it does to medicine. If a person comes to me with libido issues, I am going to ask that person how prevalent stress is in their life, how much sleep they are getting, what kind of water they are drinking as everything is interconnected.
A holistic sex coach understands that we are full spectrum beings and that everything is interconnected. I am slowly moving away from the word ‘coach’ and am moving towards being more of a ‘teacher’. I have so much I want to share and teach to make a difference in people’s lives.
Is it your belief that sex plays a role in every other aspect of our lives?
Absolutely YES! Napoleon Hill wrote a book in 1937 called Think and Grow Rich. It was one of the first personal development books to be published and there is a whole chapter dedicated to sexual transmutation. We have known since the beginning of time the importance of sex in our lives and we also know that those who are sexually empowered are the most successful.
How would you define someone who ‘owns their sexuality’?
I would say that this is somebody who is a sexual sensei. When you own your sexuality, you are an empowered being, and this will ripple into all aspects of your life. Someone who owns their sexuality will have full sexual expression – they are open and vulnerable, know what they want and know how to turn themselves on. They can play the entire spectrum of sexuality as opposed to falling on the default ‘chord’. They see their sexuality as an artform, as an art of intuition, movement, breath and energy. It is a dance. They see pleasure as power, and pleasure as a medicine.
Is sex drive something that each of us can work on, whichever way needed, or does it come down to simple DNA?
Yes. We all have the capacity to increase our libido. I am a Daoist Sexual Alchemist and from my tradition, we use our sexuality for rejuvenation, longevity and immortality – living youthfully into old age. Through these ancient practices that I teach – and this is my forte – I can really help people increase their libido, many-fold. It is incredible.
We are given, in the Daoist tradition, a certain amount of what is known as Pre-Heaven Jing (sexual essence). We can’t change this but we can change our Post-Heaven Jing and I believe everybody has the power and ability within themselves to transform their libido and sexuality.
What aspects of your life journey stand out the most to you?
It has been a long, rich and BIG life. I could talk about certain phases such as hitchhiking through Central America in my early twenties, giving birth to my son in the jungle of Kauai or going through Hurricane Iniki…
However, there is definitely a thread of living creatively. I am committed to living a creative life and this has been apparent throughout my entire life – as a dancing poet, a performance artist and as a creator of the Mastery of Seduction Workshop and my women’s salon, Radical Radiance. Not to mention, the advanced level work that I am birthing now for the White Tigress Sisterhood.
I’ve been a long-standing connoisseur of Eros and being a part of that process has allowed me to evolve into who I am today – a teacher and a practitioner of Daoist Sexual Alchemy and Art of Erotic Embodiment. I’m continually amazed at how this impacts my life and my relationships in my world.
Tell us about your book FETISH GIRL: A Memoir of Sex, Domination and Motherhood.
This book was one of my biggest creations and it was a huge milestone on the path of healing and my first creative opus. It was a powerful and intense experience of dropping into one project and seeing it through. Fetish Girl is a lens into one chapter in my life – and in that slice of life I became an International Erotic Wrestling Dominatrix.
The writing of my book enabled me to unpack and unravel my relationship with my mother and see how deeply that relationship had impacted me. It also allowed me to appreciate how I used sexuality as my stepping stone. It was a crazy and wild time of my life that needed to be recorded. In another sense, I also made this book a love story between myself and my son.
What did being a dominatrix teach you?
I was a dominatrix for about five years. Above all it taught me to show up. Somebody is paying you to live out a fantasy for a lot of money (in the nineties). You have to show up and be fully there for someone else, regardless of whether you have slept the night before or if you are fighting with your partner… This has proven to be a crucial skill for me in my later work as a coach, teacher and facilitator.
The role-playing taught me acting, performance and on-the-spot creativity but it went much deeper than that. I met each of these individuals with compassion and utter acceptance of their desires and this allowed them to release years of shame and guilt. It was an incredible experience that served its purpose until it was time to move on.
