MysticMag chats with Rodney Limb, M.Ed, CPC, CCHT, a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC), Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Nationally Licensed Hypnotherapist with over 30 years of experience. He is the founder of Marriage Perfection, where he helps couples improve their relationships and create lasting happiness. Rodney is passionate about helping people navigate the complexities of marriage and family life, drawing from his own experience and education to guide his clients towards greater joy and success. He is also a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, valuing the principles of an eternal marriage and applying them in his work and life.
Rod, your practice focuses on helping couples build trust and create stronger marriages. What specific strategies or techniques do you use to help couples rebuild trust and improve communication?
That’s an excellent question. In my practice, I often find that the initial appointment sets the foundation, but it’s really the second appointment where we delve deeply into the issue. Building trust and improving communication are intricately linked for me. It’s about speaking one’s truth authentically. When trust is damaged, rebuilding it requires consistent follow-through on commitments and promises.
I support my clients by ensuring they complete assignments we discuss, which gradually rebuilds trust. Ultimately, trust also hinges on trusting oneself and communicating honestly. Open communication fosters trust, creating a safe space for both individuals. This focus on trust-building is central in the first one to three appointments with couples. It’s a common challenge that every couple, in my experience, needs to address—building trust and allowing themselves to be vulnerable, which inherently requires trust.
You emphasize the importance of helping couples overcome challenges such as pornography addiction, affairs, and other betrayals. How do you approach these sensitive topics to facilitate healing and restoration in marriages?
The approach I take is rooted in the belief that we all start from a common point. There’s a story often shared on the internet called “The Tale of Two Wolves” that illustrates this perspective. It goes like this: “One evening, an elderly Cherokee tells his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is evil – it is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good – it is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.’ The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, ‘Which wolf wins?’ The old Cherokee simply replied, ‘The one that you feed.'”
This story resonates with many because it speaks to the dual nature within us all. It helps build hope and realization that the struggles we face in relationships are common to everyone. The goal then is to help each individual starve the “bad wolf” and feed the “good wolf.” The more we do this individually and within our relationships, the more they will thrive. This perspective shifts the focus away from blame and condemnation, towards accountability and improvement. It acknowledges that challenges like addictions and betrayals stem from the “bad wolf,” which is our survival side manifesting emotionally. Understanding this allows us to approach issues with love and focus on feeding the “good wolf.” As we focus on nurturing the good, we begin to see improvements in relationships and harmony. This positive pattern can then grow and blossom over time.
You mention the importance of learning skills to overcome the “natural man” as a couple. Can you elaborate on what this means and how couples can effectively work together to overcome personal challenges and strengthen their relationship?
The concept of the “natural man,” or as described in the Bible, the carnal man, represents our survival instincts, often referred to as the “bad wolves” within us. These instincts drive us to do whatever it takes to survive, which is not inherently negative in the context of survival. However, these survival instincts can be detrimental to relationships. It’s crucial to recognize when we’re in survival mode and develop stress management skills to navigate these situations. By managing stress and anxiety effectively, we can improve our relationships. There are various stress management techniques, including different breathing techniques such as box breathing and yoga breathing.
There are two aspects to managing stress: intervention and prevention. Intervention involves learning how to turn off and turn around stress and anxiety when we’re in the midst of it. Prevention focuses on preparing ourselves so that we can avoid getting into stressful situations altogether. Techniques like Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and hypnosis are widely available and can be beneficial tools. These are my primary areas of focus when working with individuals, often intensively.
Many couples are able to overcome these challenges and emerge stronger. It often comes down to the individual’s decision-making process. When an individual reaches a point where they decide they cannot continue as they have been, or they choose not to continue in the same manner, it becomes a matter of personal choice. Even in cases where one partner is not willing to make changes, there are still valuable skills to be learned, particularly during the separation process.
Statistically, when infidelity or other significant issues arise in a relationship, about half of marriages end in divorce. However, for those who choose to work on their relationship, there is hope. Couples who commit to the work required can create a better relationship than they’ve ever had before. Addressing the underlying issues that led to the affair or other problems is crucial. By divorcing the “bad wolf” within themselves and nurturing the “good wolf,” couples can create a healthier, more fulfilling relationship moving forward.
As a licensed therapist with extensive experience, you’ve worked with individuals dealing with anxiety, depression, trauma, addictions, and other issues. How do you integrate hypnotherapy and other holistic approaches into your counseling practice to address these challenges?
At the core of my approach is instilling hope in individuals who often enter therapy feeling hopeless, believing that nothing they’ve tried has improved their situation. By using these tools and guiding them toward progress and success, we build that hope. My goal is to empower them to take ownership of their progress, recognizing that these stress management techniques are within their reach. As they gain confidence in their ability to manage stress, they can continue to improve.
Hypnotherapy is not a quick fix but rather an understanding of how the subconscious mind works. By practicing with them, they learn to identify and change their thought patterns. As they change their thinking, their feelings and behaviors follow suit, positively impacting their relationship. As individuals heal and grow, they become more present and contribute more fully to their relationship, enhancing it in the process.
You offer a variety of services, including addiction counseling, anger management, anxiety treatment, and family therapy. How do you tailor your approach to meet the unique needs of each client or couple, and what outcomes have you observed from your therapeutic interventions?
One of the reasons I became a counselor and therapist, including hypnotherapy, is the adventure of working with individuals, each unique. In my master’s training, there was a tendency to categorize people into boxes based on mental illness or problems. However, after completing my degree, I embarked on intensive hypnosis training, where the focus was on recognizing that everyone is different and doesn’t fit into these boxes.
Each person who comes in represents a new start, a new opportunity to understand their unique patterns of choices and behaviors, and how they cope with stressors and anxieties. Many individuals haven’t been exposed to the tools or skills to make things better. By helping them learn these skills, I’ve seen incredible progress over the years. These tools are learnable, and anyone can make progress with them.
I’ve also discovered that certain vitamins can be helpful. Some clients who have been on medications for years, with their doctors’ guidance, have been able to reduce or eliminate their medication as they learned to manage stress more effectively. Many people use medications to numb their issues rather than addressing them, and as they gain confidence in dealing with their thoughts and feelings, they find they need less medication.
Another aspect of counseling and therapy is connecting the head and the heart. With PTSD, for example, some individuals talk about their trauma without feeling it, while others feel it but don’t talk about it. Healing comes from connecting these two aspects, allowing individuals to talk about and feel their experiences. One simple tip I offer to clients is journaling, which can significantly reduce the time needed in counseling sessions.
In my approach, I believe in offering a variety of techniques rather than relying on just one. This approach helps individuals accelerate their growth and move from merely surviving to thriving.
If you would like to find out more about Rodney Limb, please visit https://www.marriageperfection.com/ and https://www.CommunicatingLove.com
