In the labyrinth of life’s trials, some emerge not just as survivors, but as beacons of empowerment and healing. Meet Ebony M. Tutora, the visionary force behind Queens Recognize Queens®—a beacon of hope and transformation in the realm of holistic coaching. Founded in 2015, Ebony’s brand transcends traditional coaching paradigms, fostering sacred spaces where healing, connection, and sisterhood intertwine. Ebony’s own odyssey from the depths of childhood trauma, domestic violence, and rape mirrors the phoenix rising from ashes, igniting a path of resilience and redemption. Now, she channels her hard-earned wisdom into guiding others, sharing the very tools that enabled her to reclaim her power and transcend adversity. Join Mystic Mag as we embark on a journey of empowerment, guided by the radiant spirit of Ebony Tutora.
Can you share more about your personal journey and the pivotal moments that led you to create Queens Recognize Queens®? How did your own experiences shape the vision and mission of the brand?
I come from a household of three brothers, and I was the only girl. So, I always tell people that I think I missed out on the typical female phase. It just wasn’t a part of who I am, mainly growing up with brothers. So, a part of the brand really is the foundation of recognizing the need for women to love and appreciate each other. The name, although it may sound incorrect at first, you need to say it a few times to really understand what we’re talking about. It’s about knowing you are a queen. When you honor and love and accept yourself as a queen, even if I don’t know you, if I walk by you in the street, as women, we might just see another woman and smile at her. Or you might say, “Oh my God, you look so amazing, right?” That’s because she knows she’s a queen. You know you’re a queen, so you recognize each other when you walk by. You can see that she has love and appreciation for herself.
Now, the idea of “Queen” itself comes from my grandmother, who always used to tell me I was a queen. So, it really shaped the foundation of how I thought about myself to even come up with that name. You know, I thought of myself as a queen. In the beginning of 2017, when women empowerment events were kind of taking off, I was helping to pioneer that movement and create amazing events where you walked away feeling transformed, loved, and with a sense of sisterhood because, essentially, we can help each other go further faster when we work together, especially as women. We have such amazing abilities, and when we combine them, it just amplifies that energy. So, that is the basis of the story for the brand, and it essentially represents who I am.
To end it, I did experience a life-changing situation when I was about 18 or 19, where I was held hostage and raped by a man I was dating at that time. That also propelled me into knowing, even at that age, I didn’t know how, but I knew that I was being called to work with women because I had lived through the experience, and I had learned that this man had raped other women who were often too afraid to speak up. We, as women, are afraid of our own safety, and we feel like our silence is better than sharing what has happened to us. It was powerful for me to learn from that experience. Obviously not the best experience to learn from, but to learn from it nonetheless and, in my heart, even at that age, I knew I was meant to work with women. I didn’t know how it was going to happen or when, but it is. Once I reached that space where I knew I was ready to not only share my story but also share with people how I continue to be successful and have a positive mindset, that was really the blossoming of the brand. So, it has many moving parts to it, but that’s the story of how it began.
In your coaching practice, you emphasize the importance of mindset, mindfulness, and inner-child healing. How do these three pillars work together to create a holistic approach to healing and empowerment?
In my work, the more I began working with people, I always talked about the inner child. In every topic you just mentioned, mindfulness was probably one of the things that came towards the end. But one of the last things that I always knew, even as a young child, I grew up in a Christian home. So, you know, you learn the power of prayer. Not a Christian home, let me not say that. We did go to the Catholic Church and things like that. But my friend, who became my best friend, her mother was an evangelist, so I would go to church with them. Anyways, you learn about prayer, and I prayed and prayed and prayed at the age of 13. I grew up in a really tough home where there was drug use, domestic violence, and different things. I remember praying to God for wisdom.
It was placed on my heart, even at the age of 13, that my parents were who they were based on their childhood. I needed to be mindful of how I experienced my childhood and the things I took to heart. It gave me a depth of understanding for my parents. Obviously, I was still very young, so I had to experience more life to really understand that message placed on my heart. So that was something I always knew. I took psychology at the age of 15 in high school, and then again, it talks a lot about that priming age of zero to seven, when we are like sponges and soaking everything.
After I went through that experience I shared with you, I’ve always had a powerful mindset. I give that to my grandmother, both of my grandmothers on both sides of my family, who are very strong matriarch figures. They’re very out-of-the-box, outspoken, and bold. They’ve made amazing decisions in their lives that have helped me, kind of passing the torch to me and giving me permission to be bold as well and make strong choices. As I thought about my journey as a coach and what I can teach people, I knew that it’s always about the inner child. You always have to go back when you’re feeling small, inferior, sad, or depressed. You are reliving some moment in your life that told you you’re not enough.
As a kid, the stories we take on always play themselves out as we get older if we’re not mindful of it. Sometimes we think, “I’m an adult, I pay bills, I have kids. I’m mature.” If you look around, you can probably find examples of a lot of adults making immature decisions, whether it’s throwing things and acting irrationally when upset, like an adult temper tantrum. They still have not matured into what a mature adult would do in the midst of a certain situation. It’s always the inner child. The next facet is mindset. Mindset mastery is that positive thinking you see all over the Internet—keep going, the wisdom that lives within us that is whispering we are enough, and all your positive statements and affirmations. That’s mindset mastery, talking to yourself enough to honor the inner child and all your experiences and to start thinking life into yourself.
Now, mindfulness is going a little deeper. Mindfulness is sitting with the things that bring you pain. It’s being so aware that you’re not just looking at the situation with the two eyes you have but closing your eyes, which is why I teach meditation. You’re going within yourself to learn how to trust yourself, tap into your body because your body is always telling you what’s happening. It’s like a roadmap to the spiritual world, teaching you sometimes things you cannot place into words.
I have found that those three things, especially when working with clients, are monumental. Sometimes we’re addressing, “Hey, it’s your mindset right now that’s off. You need to shift your perspective. Are you mindfully thinking through the situation and going beneath the surface? Do we have to get into some of that inner child and work on those old limiting beliefs?” Those three things can help someone to the core of who they are, not just at a surface level. Let’s talk about your childhood, but let’s go deep, ask some really deep questions, so you can mourn, grieve, release, and let go. That way, you are no longer being an adult essentially; you’re a kid stuck in an adult’s body. If you look around, I’m pretty sure many of us can identify people in our lives who are not necessarily mature because emotionally they are kind of hijacked. That’s what I teach, and I have found it to be powerful.
What type of services do you offer?
I offer one-on-one coaching, and I also provide sound healing services where I incorporate sound bowls and my voice. The biggest compliment I consistently receive is, “Your voice is just so soothing,” and I consider that a gift. I believe it’s my unique talent. While I don’t possess a Mariah Carey-like singing voice, I am adept at helping anyone meditate and attain a meditative state of release, letting go, and peace.
Additionally, I provide custom meditations and corporate training. In corporate settings, I bring wellness through sound healing experiences and wellness workshops. I enjoy teaching groups about the power of incorporating wellness practices into their lives. It’s not merely a fleeting concept, but a reminder that we are spirits having a human experience. It goes deep, and understanding this depth is crucial for addressing the feelings individuals may be experiencing. Sometimes, the reason you feel a certain way is that you haven’t delved deep enough.
Beyond individual and corporate offerings, I conduct group programs several times throughout the year. Now, I am expanding into organizing global events as well.
You’re known for specializing in chakra meditation and holistic healing practices. How do these practices contribute to the overall well-being of individuals, and how do they align with the goals of Queens Recognize Queens®?
The way I teach about chakras is quite transformative for me. Firstly, the word often confuses people, especially in America, where individuals might associate it with non-Christian beliefs. Many shy away from it due to their Christian upbringing, viewing it as potentially associated with the devil. For me, explaining chakras involves simplifying the concept, making it less challenging.
As an example, consider the solar plexus, located in the stomach. This area, often referred to as the internal sun, emits warmth when touched. It represents our strength, confidence, and self-awareness. The solar plexus is like the Muhammad Ali of chakras, where affirmations play a crucial role in speaking life into oneself. The body serves as a guiding tool in understanding our emotions. For instance, when experiencing heartbreak, the pain felt in the heart chakra signifies disappointment, sadness, or anger. Working through these emotions leads to the other side – wisdom, self-grace, courage to move on, and healing.
I also emphasize the interconnectedness of mind, body, and spirit when teaching about chakras. It’s about reconnecting these three aspects to simplify life, particularly in the spiritual and religious journey, where confusion often arises. Our bodies serve as indicators of what needs attention or improvement. For example, tension in the throat when trying to speak signals a need for expression. Similarly, headaches may result from overthinking and a lack of connection to higher wisdom.
My goal in incorporating chakras into my teachings is to provide a holistic understanding, removing the complexity associated with spirituality. It’s not a separate practice but an inherent part of who we are. I aim to empower individuals to tap into their own wisdom and pass it on to future generations, fostering a sense of power, peace, and self-awareness.
Holistic healing, in contrast to big medicine dominated by the pharmaceutical industry, encourages people to reclaim their power. It challenges the notion that medication is always the solution, suggesting that some ailments may be manifestations of negative energy or overthinking. By encouraging practices like breathing and letting go of negative thoughts, individuals can connect with higher realms, becoming their own healers and gurus. This approach is transformative, providing people with the tools to navigate their own healing journeys.
How do you incorporate the concept of self-love and self-care into your coaching programs, and why do you believe these elements are essential for personal growth and healing?
That’s such a beautiful question. Thank you for asking about self-love and self-care. The more I teach and live life, the more I realize that I’m living this life too. I’m not above emotions just because I know how to navigate them. I’m not immune to really hard situations because I possess certain knowledge. These things still come to me. However, I have learned that when we experience life’s challenges, such as becoming homeless, for example, if we keep loving ourselves through that experience, we find a way to take care of ourselves.
I had a friend who, at one-point, experienced homelessness. She got a gym membership for $10 a month, figuring out a way to still take showers, go to work, dress up every day, wash her face, and speak kindly to herself. In situations like these, you might feel bad, ashamed, guilty, or depressed. However, practicing self-love involves recognizing that you are bigger than your circumstances. It says, “I still love myself. I can still be happy. I can still figure it out. Life still loves me. I’m still here, living and breathing.”
Self-love, to me, has evolved into self-care. When you love yourself, you naturally care for yourself. Even in challenging situations, you can find ways to love and care for yourself, maintaining a positive outlook. Some individuals, despite being homeless, find ways to dress up, wear makeup, and love themselves through the experience.
Incorporating self-love and self-care helps lift us higher. It’s a reminder that, even in difficult situations, we can still maintain personal hygiene, dress well, and speak positively to ourselves. It’s about not giving up, continuing to push through, and finding ways to move forward.
Sometimes, as women, we find ourselves in relationships where we feel obligated to give endlessly. However, self-love teaches us that we can’t pour from an empty cup. It challenges the notion that giving until we have nothing left is admirable. Being selfish with love is about teaching ourselves and others that we matter. This mindset shift inspires others to do the same.
I believe that self-love is a revolutionary concept, granting people permission to pour into their own cups and dispelling the notion that we must give until we have nothing left. It challenges the traditional narrative of sacrificing oneself for others. Self-love is not selfishness; it’s learning how to prioritize ourselves, understanding that we are valuable.
In a world that often teaches us to give, give, give, especially for women, self-love turns this concept on its head. It encourages us to be selfish with love, teaching that we matter. This shift can be transformative, allowing people to become their own healers and gurus.
To feel whole, we need to recognize the value of self-love. If we are always giving pieces of ourselves away, we cannot feel whole. It’s about relearning the importance of self-care and understanding our desires. This shift in mindset changes how we operate, empowering us to live more authentically.
Ultimately, self-love helps us spiritually ground ourselves in our purpose. Each of us has a unique purpose, and by loving ourselves unapologetically, we find the energy, mindset, and love to follow that purpose. These topics are crucial for everyone to focus on, encouraging deeper exploration into how we can love ourselves and fulfill our purpose without regrets or sadness.
As someone who has been a featured panelist and speaker, what advice do you have for individuals who may be struggling with public speaking or sharing their personal stories?
Like I mentioned, we all have a purpose. For me, understanding my purpose involves recognizing that it is much bigger than just myself. I once heard someone say that the reason we hesitate to share our gifts is because we think they belong to us. However, gifts are meant to be given; you don’t buy a gift and then keep it. Imagine buying a gift for someone but deciding to keep it for yourself each time – it would be ridiculous. This analogy applies to our purpose as well.
It’s essential to remember that whatever comes naturally to you is unique. For me, speaking comes naturally and authentically, but this can differ for others. The voice represents the sound of your spirit, embodying the breath. We need to shift away from the mindset that limits us to being just human, particularly when it comes to overcoming the fear of speaking.
To overcome obstacles, you need to take action. Don’t just talk about it or dwell on your fears; do it. I vividly recall my first speaking experience; my nervousness was so intense that my knees were literally knocking together. Despite the anxiety, I pushed through. Mindset plays a crucial role here – instead of saying, “I’m so nervous,” reframe it to, “I’m so excited.” The energy is essentially the same, but it triggers a different response in the body. Excitement can be exhilarating, providing a positive shift.
Practicing what you fear is the only way to move through it. Embrace the possibility of looking like a fool, stuttering, or forgetting lines. In reality, people are not harshly judging you, and if they are, it often reflects their insecurities. Remember that your opinion matters, and your voice is necessary. Every individual is part of a collective consciousness, and each voice contributes to the whole.
Consider the broader perspective that your purpose is more significant than yourself. By sharing your insights, you may help others learn or improve. Inspiration, broken down, means “in spirit.” When you are inspired or an inspiration, you are moving in spirit, drawing wisdom from a higher realm and expressing it through your words. Viewing speaking from this broader perspective allows you to overcome self-doubt and fear, affirming that your voice is valid. If you are passionate about something or if something bothers you, speak up, even if it makes others uncomfortable, mad, or sad. Speaking with love can bring about positive change in people’s lives, and that, to me, is incredibly important.
